All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Hentai

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1. Never swim alone.
2. Never trust your boss who wears sunglasses ALL the time.
3. The harder and rougher you rape a woman, the more likely she will fall in love with your cock.
4. Lubrication is a myth. Just shove it straight into her ass.
5. All demons and aliens have tentacles.
6. All tentacles are fully-functional penises.
7. If it’s an old man with a cane, he has a six-pack and huge pecs under his yukata.
8. Every woman aged 12 or over is at least a C-cup.
9. Women get wet just because you’re looking at them naked.
10. All of your teachers are possibly demons or aliens, especially ones involved in athletics.
11. Foreplay need not consist of anything more than squeezing a breast and rubbing her labia for 10 seconds.
12. All women over 12 can swallow the whole package.
13. Men can have sex again within 120 seconds of ejaculation.
14. The uglier the man, the bigger his cock.
15. All men cum so much that it squirts out the side of the mouth when fully inserted.
16. Any time a penis/tentacle is inserted into any female orifice, there is a spray of fluid.
17. Making a woman cum is more reliable mind control than actual brainwashing.
18. Most women’s eyes are bigger than both their brains and their areolae.
19. All animated Asian women have bigger tits and better asses than REAL Asian women, and very few have black hair.
20. If a girl has glasses, she is a virgin who will not be once the movie is over.
21. Any man who wields a sword has a huge cock that will be inserted into multiple holes.
22. No one ever gets pregnant unless the male wishes it to happen.
23. Any skinny man in a suit has an Arnold-like physique underneath his clothes or is a tentacle alien.
24. Said man will almost always have a cheesy hat to identify him as a bad guy.
25. Any man whose bangs hang down far enough to shield his eyes is either a rapist or alien/demon in disguise.
26. Tentacle tastes like cock.
27. The stronger and more independent the woman, the greater the slave to cock she is or will become.
28. Women never have periods.
29. “All participants are aged 21 or over”, even if it takes place in high school.
30. Most Japanese women are 18 when entering high school and most teachers are 25 and wear sunglasses or are actually female aliens with tentacles.
31. All women know how to give intense oral sex even though they are virgins.
32. At least once a day, someone has tentacle sex in a swimming pool, locker room, or high school classroom in Japan, but no one seems to notice.
33. Enemas are better than roses for saying “I love you”.
34. If there are robots, there will be lots of sex before they attack, during the attack, and after the attack.
35. Women would rather be repeatedly gang-raped than have a video of them peeing distributed in public.
36. Women’s vaginal muscles are so strong they can grip a vibrator even though it’s only stuck 2–3″ in.

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