If you haven’t figured it out already, Matt is an idiot.
Tabasco doesn’t hold a candle to the One Condiment to Rule Them All. Yes, I’m talking about… Mayonnaise!
“But, Thrasher, mayo is sooooo unhealthy for you,” you might be saying.
To which I reply, “Bullshit.” Store-bought mayonnaise probably is, especially since 90% of it is made with soybean oil, and soy isn’t fit for human consumption. In addition, commercial mayo has all sorts of preservatives and other processed garbage in it. Oh, and if you even utter the words “Miracle Whip” in my presence, you’re getting an elbow to the teeth. Look at the damn label — it’s salad dressing, not mayo!
The solution? Make your own. You need four ingredients:
- 1 cup (236.6 mL) extra-virgin olive oil
- 1 large egg
- ¼ tsp (2 dashes) salt
- Juice of 1 small lemon or 1½ Tbsp (22.2 mL) white vinegar
- Put the egg, salt, and juice/vinegar in a blender and set it on medium.
- While the blender is running, take the plug out of the lid, and slowly drizzle in the oil until it forms mayonnaise.
- Scoop it out into a glass container and let it sit on the counter for 1–2 hours. Yes, at room temperature. This allows the acid in the juice/vinegar to kill any possible salmonella in the egg.
- After this, store it in the fridge for up to a month.
What you’ve got now is the heart-healthy fats in the olive oil and the egg, in addition to the protein and other goodness from the egg.
Want to zing it up a bit? Just add any spices you wish to the mix. Just avoid processed sauces (like Tabasco) or (gah!) sugar, and you should be fine.
I challenge you, on your next hamburger, spread a thin layer of homemade mayonnaise and some fresh-ground black pepper on instead of mustard or Satan’s semen ketchup. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
As a bonus, this recipe can be retooled to make an awesome cole slaw dressing:
- 1 cup (236.6 mL) extra-virgin olive oil
- 2 large eggs
- ¼ tsp (2 dashes) salt
- 2½ Tbsp (37.0 mL) lemon juice
- 1 Tbsp (14.8 mL) honey
- Prepare as above, starting with everything but the oil in the blender, then drizzle in the oil until a very thin mayo-like sauce is formed.
Related posts:
Only Yugo Drivers eat Mayonnaise :P
If you eat a lot of Tabasco, you end up looking like Drew Carey.
By the way, your mom loves to eat my mayonnaise.