An Unnamed HR professional with whom regular visitors to this site may be familiar recently called me for help with finding a good slogan to promote her boss and the employees of her company. Some of the following is factual, some is … for entertainment. All of which is utter nonsense…
First:
What the hell is employee branding? This is the image that it conjures for me:
This is branding
Apparently, this is not the definition. It is some ridiculous HR/Marketing term developed to promote employee confidence, consumer confidence, employee welfare, and corporate image.
Next: She wanted me to help with a slogan. Her idea was (pardon the Engrish): “How to Cosmetic <Boss Name>”
To which I replied “that is utterly meaningless.”
And I further replied: I think a good slogan for your boss should be:
“Enormous Penis!”
Viagra, works every time!
I felt I had found a great slogan:
I love it when a plan comes together.
To which she replied:
You sir, are a wanker...
Because apparently her boss looks more like this:
I love you Maurie!
Than this:
Singin' it old skool
To which I replied:
“Cozy Vagina ?”
I love it when a plan comes together.
To which she replied:
Yer an idiot...
To which I replied:
“Employees, the other other other white meat.”
Tasty!!!
To which she replied:
What's wrong with you??
To which I replied:
“Look lady, I’m a damned archaeologist, why are you asking ME?”
To which she replied: *click*
She has not spoken to me in weeks…. *weep*
But the moral of the story is: If someone calls you wanting something you can’t give, just say:
Enormous Penis
and it should take care of the situation.
-MPM
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