Spare me my life!
by Mosh Pit Matt on December 15, 2009
in EngRish, Feces, Music, Randomness, Tasteless, Video
This video …. I just couldn’t stop laughing….
I especially like the knife-wielding dude with the do-rag under his nose….
I thought this was the end-all-be all of videos like this until I found…
But not to be outdone, some Dutch folk came up with this gem NOT WORK SAFE:
Employee Branding
by Mosh Pit Matt on November 17, 2009
in Current Depravity, EngRish, Essays, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless
An Unnamed HR professional with whom regular visitors to this site may be familiar recently called me for help with finding a good slogan to promote her boss and the employees of her company. Some of the following is factual, some is … for entertainment. All of which is utter nonsense…
First:
What the hell is employee branding? This is the image that it conjures for me:
This is branding
Apparently, this is not the definition. It is some ridiculous HR/Marketing term developed to promote employee confidence, consumer confidence, employee welfare, and corporate image.
Next: She wanted me to help with a slogan. Her idea was (pardon the Engrish): “How to Cosmetic <Boss Name>”
To which I replied “that is utterly meaningless.”
And I further replied: I think a good slogan for your boss should be:
“Enormous Penis!”
Viagra, works every time!
I felt I had found a great slogan:
I love it when a plan comes together.
To which she replied:
You sir, are a wanker...
Because apparently her boss looks more like this:
I love you Maurie!
Than this:
Singin' it old skool
To which I replied:
“Cozy Vagina ?”
I love it when a plan comes together.
To which she replied:
Yer an idiot...
To which I replied:
“Employees, the other other other white meat.”
Tasty!!!
To which she replied:
What's wrong with you??
To which I replied:
“Look lady, I’m a damned archaeologist, why are you asking ME?”
To which she replied: *click*
She has not spoken to me in weeks…. *weep*
But the moral of the story is: If someone calls you wanting something you can’t give, just say:
Enormous Penis
and it should take care of the situation.
-MPM
I would like some Halogen Chicken Leg Food Please
by Mosh Pit Matt on October 29, 2009
in Current Depravity, EngRish, Food, Pictures, Randomness
This is the EXACT reason you NEVER use Machine Translation and just “trust it….” Sorry for the quality, it was sent from a cell phone.
This restaurant is in my neighborhood. I’m afraid to see what all the dishes ACTUALLY are….
I think I will have the Sheet Iron.
Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the lights….
by Mosh Pit Matt on September 22, 2009
in EngRish, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless
I think I need to call maintenance....
Once believed to be eradicated, smallpox is now as easy as flipping a switch!
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