Happy New Year (2010 (or 99 for those of you who keep count ;)) !!! (Part II)
by Mosh Pit Matt on February 12, 2010
in Current Depravity, Essays, Pictures
One of the great things about living in a Chinese country or Chinese-influenced country (like Thailand or Singapore or whatnot) is that you get TWO New Years each year. Tomorrow (Feb. 14, Valentines day) is the date on which the lunar New Year falls this year (it recesses with the lunar cycle, sort of, and its far more complicated than that…, if you want an explanation post a comment :P… I lecture 3 whole classes in my ethnoastronomy course on the precession of the equinoxes and synodic(moon-based) and sidereal(in our case Sun-based) years.). As such, I will be largely out of commission until the main event (New Year’s eve and New Year’s day) have passed.
Exit the Ox....
Enter the Tiger!
This has been the year of the Ox… but Enter… the TIGER. In an ironic twist, last night my friend almost hit a cow on her way home… for those of you in the states (especially the western U.S.) that would not seem totally odd… but this is was in a crowded city…. in Taiwan… a country with few cows… she said two police men were running after it… sadly she did not get a photo… haha.
Anyway… I wish you all good fortunes in the coming New Year, both Solar AND Lunar.
Reduced blood flow to the brain can induce unconsciousness…
by Mosh Pit Matt on January 19, 2010
in Essays, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless, The Mosh Pit
While discussing recent health problems, Thrasher informed me that, because his unit is roughly in scale (meaning relative to his body size) with this one:
Monsters of cock!
he has been suffering from bouts of blacking out from the huge amount of blood being withheld in his enormous penis.
To which I replied: Boo face for you!! (see below)
Extreme Boo face!!!
To which he said “its o.k., I usually can’t keep it going long enough to make a difference”:
Worse than ShamWow Vince?
But I then informed him of my problem with extraordinarily large balls:
Actual drawing of MPM
but that I shoot enormous loads:
I got sperm that jingle jangle jingles!
so I figured it was o.k….
Employee Branding
by Mosh Pit Matt on November 17, 2009
in Current Depravity, EngRish, Essays, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless
An Unnamed HR professional with whom regular visitors to this site may be familiar recently called me for help with finding a good slogan to promote her boss and the employees of her company. Some of the following is factual, some is … for entertainment. All of which is utter nonsense…
First:
What the hell is employee branding? This is the image that it conjures for me:
This is branding
Apparently, this is not the definition. It is some ridiculous HR/Marketing term developed to promote employee confidence, consumer confidence, employee welfare, and corporate image.
Next: She wanted me to help with a slogan. Her idea was (pardon the Engrish): “How to Cosmetic <Boss Name>”
To which I replied “that is utterly meaningless.”
And I further replied: I think a good slogan for your boss should be:
“Enormous Penis!”
Viagra, works every time!
I felt I had found a great slogan:
I love it when a plan comes together.
To which she replied:
You sir, are a wanker...
Because apparently her boss looks more like this:
I love you Maurie!
Than this:
Singin' it old skool
To which I replied:
“Cozy Vagina ?”
I love it when a plan comes together.
To which she replied:
Yer an idiot...
To which I replied:
“Employees, the other other other white meat.”
Tasty!!!
To which she replied:
What's wrong with you??
To which I replied:
“Look lady, I’m a damned archaeologist, why are you asking ME?”
To which she replied: *click*
She has not spoken to me in weeks…. *weep*
But the moral of the story is: If someone calls you wanting something you can’t give, just say:
Enormous Penis
and it should take care of the situation.
-MPM
Eat this Post-Modernist hags….
by Mosh Pit Matt on October 14, 2009
in Current Depravity, Essays, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless, Visual Arts
If Feminism is a modern concept… and post-modernism is “in” and the “correct” way of thinking…
Then logically I should come to the same following conclusion if I want to keep up with the times…
(from Zach over at Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)
MPM’s note:
I do believe in equality for women and men, my mother is one of the most assertive successful women I know, but she is ladylike, feminine and a great mom to my brother and I and fantastic loving and affectionate wife to my dad… you CAN be both a powerful woman and a great mom and spouse, but its not GIVEN, you have to EARN it… Men can be both too, and have to earn it too… but I guess knowing how stupid people are about this stuff is exactly why I thought this comic was particularly funny… people need to get over themselves and stop trying to be cool and just get shit done…
I also fully understand the post-modern critique, but its not adequate in and of itself for all applications, particularly in understanding human behavior… sorry you cultural studies, PoMo cultural anthropologists, Sociologists, and Psychologists…
I recently had a counseling psychologist say “you really need to learn more about cultural differences” to me… ME…
Those of you who know me… know EXACTLY what kind of shit-storm that unleashed upon that “counselor” with her U. Cal degree.
“Um… you stick to the head-shrinking, I’ll stick to the culture stuff, o.k.?” Was about the nicest thing I said to her. I should have said “you really need to learn more about how people formulate thoughts and emotions…”
PoMo and “I know culture” people who have no idea what the Standard Cross Cultural Sample is or who George Peter Murdock was have no business even talking to me. I will eat them for breakfast. I appreciate understanding the bias a scholar brings to their study and working to eliminate or mediate its effects… but… the tripe that comes out now… YIKES!!
This is why I consider myself a “neo-modernist” (or “neo-processualist for you “dirt monkeys” who read this blog…)
Film reviews, but I recommend a healthy dose of pot first…
by Mosh Pit Matt on August 26, 2009
in Essays, Movies, Video
Deep analysis of largely Kubrick but also cult classic films.
The studies of Kubrick films are particularly interesting, but others are excellent. as well
Highly recommended. But, you really have to be in a philosophical mood….
