The Mosh Pit » Lists

Mosh Pit Matt’s Laminated List – 2011 Edition

Mosh Pit Matt — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 03:40:34 +0000

Gillian Anderson — Much like Thrasher my #1 has not changed. She pretty much has everything that suits my taste in women. I was never a big fan of The X-Files, but I watched it religiously just to catch glimpses of her. When people ask “what is your ‘type,’” I invariably answer “Gillian Anderson.”
Kim Kardashian— Jumping from nothing to second is this lovely specimen. I knew a girl in Japan that looked a bit like her, only not in all the same places… Sometimes my kinkiest fantasies involve Kim Kardashian…
Michelle Yeoh — Retaining her strong 3rd is one of my all time favorites. I repeat myself: not only is she stunningly beautiful, she also has a class and sophistication that are rare in many Asian actresses today and she has a grace and beauty of movement that can almost certainly be attributed to her ability to completely mop the floor with mere mortals.
Beyoncé Knowles — I don’t see this “Child” being bumped from 4th anytime soon. She’s always got it goin’ on… She’s also the only Austin Powers’ girl to remain on the list…
Natalie Portman — In my growing list of “chicks that make geeks drool” I have to add Padamame or PandaBear or whatever her name is… I don’t care if she’s preggers, I just care it isn’t mine! And as Harry Plinkett said “Who wouldn’t want to dock their probe into Natalie’s Port… man…
Ziyi Zhang — It took me a while, but after watching “Horsemen” for the 3rd time, she made the list. She has been in a bunch of good movies, she’s smart and talented, and in her role in the Horsemen, I kinda think she was playing herself… which gives her points for “Goth Chick” appeal.
Cindy Crawford — Never lower than 7th.. I’ve been in love with Cindy since High School. The Superficial has a comment about her that she will be the hottest chick in the nursing home. She is aging nicely I must say. (She’ll be on here until I die.)
Cate Blanchett — Still in at 8th is the mysterious, stunning, talented and gorgeous Cate… my previous commentary still holds true.
Jessica Alba — Keeping honors and moving up to 9th is the increadibly sexy and quite aquatic Jessica Alba… mmm I still dream about a trip to Palau or Rota with her…
Winona Ryder — Dropping to last is this Brat-packer. This year she gets added cred (and salvation for the list) for coming out as Spock’s mom!!!

Honorable Mentions:

Molly Ringwold
Mia Sara
Yuna Natsuo
Jennifer Grey
Megumi Yasu

TMP.net gets visitors….

Mosh Pit Matt — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 03:03:18 +0000

What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?

Below is a list of search terms that yielded The Mosh Pit.net in the last few days…Yugo mayonnaise.. wtf!?!?!

Today

Search term	Views
babes and guns	2
the hottie with a gun	2
fill in the blank movie quotes from 1988	1
pamela anderson 80s	1
mosh pit training	1
*yugo mayonnaise*	1
woman with gun	1
young tits	1
pam andersons	1

———————————————————————————————-
Don’t believe me? Check out this Google search return:

Update!:
“Yugo-mayonnaise” is now in the Urban dictionary…Don’t believe me? check it out!

Favorite Movie Quotes, Part 2 of ??

Mosh Pit Matt — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 05:11:30 +0000

Again, presented in no particular order:

Dr. Elsa Schneider: “What’s this one?”
Indiana Jones: “The Ark of the Covenant”
Dr. Elsa Schneider: “Are you sure?”
Indiana Jones: “Pretty sure…”
— Alison Doody and Harrison Ford Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 1989

Vizzini: “Inconcievable!”
Indigo Montoya: “I do not think this word means what you think it means.”
— Wallace Shawn and Mandy Patinkin The Princess Bride 1987

George S. Patton: “When I want ‘em to understand I give it to ‘em loud and I give it to ‘em dirty.”
— George C. Scott Patton 1970

Han Solo: “Keep your distance Chewie, but don’t make it LOOK like you are trying to keep your distance.”
Chewbacca: *inquisitive roar*
Han Solo: “I don’t know, fly casual.”
— Harrison Ford and Peter Mayhew Star Wars, Episode VI, Return of the Jedi 1983

Private Hudson: “We’re on an express elevator to hell, goin’ down!”
— Bill Paxton Aliens 1986

Mr. Pink: “Why do I gotta be Mr. Pink?”
Joe Cabbot: “Because you’re a fucking faggot.”
— Steve Buscemi and Lawrence Tierney Resevoir Dogs 1992

Woman (Mrs. Dennis(?)): “Oh Dennis! there’s some lovely filth down here!”
— Terry Jones Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1975

Claire Standish: “So… academic clubs aren’t the same as other kinds of clubs.”
John Bender: “Ah… but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?”
Brian Johnson: “Well, in physics we… we talk about physics, properties of physics.”
John Bender: “So it’s sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?”
— Molly Ringwold, Judd Nelson and Anthony Micheal Hall The Breakfast Club 1985

Lt. Colonel Bill Killgore: “I love the smell of napalm
in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours.
When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ‘em, not one
stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole
hill. Smelled like *sniffing, pondering* victory. Someday this war’s
gonna end…”
— Robert Duvall Apocalypse Now 1979

Nigel Tufnel: “You can’t fucking concentrate because your fucking wife! Simple as that, alright? It’s your fucking wife!”
David St. Hubbins: “She’s not my wife.”
Nigel Tufnel: “Well whatever FUCK she is, alright? You can’t concentrate!”
— Christopher Guest, Micheal McKean This is Spinal Tap 1984

Forrest Gump: “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”
— Tom Hanks Forrest Gump

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: “Private Pyle I’m gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!”
— R. Lee Ermey Full Metal Jacket 1987

Nathan Arizona: “Man, I don’t know they had Yodas and shit on ‘em”
— Trey Wilson Raising Arizona 1987

Joseph T. Wladislaw: “I wish I could read this, I think it’s dirty.”
— Charles Bronson The Dirty Dozen 1967

Charles De Mar: I’ve been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy. I know high school girls.
— Curtis Armstrong Better Off Dead 1985

Inspector Todd: “Don’t think Axel, it makes my dick itch!”
— Gilbert R. Hill Beverly Hills Cop II 1987

Regan MacNiel/Demon: “I know how Burke died…”
— Linda Blaire The Exorcist 1973

Lloyd Dobler: “You must chill! You must Chill!”
— John Cusack Say anything 1989

Elwood Blues: It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues: Hit it.
— Dan Akroyd and John Belushi The Blues Brothers 1980

Leon: Wake up, time to die.
— Brion James Blade Runner 1982

["Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background]
Garland Greene: Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
— Steve Buscemi Con Air 1997

Francisco Cindino: Cy…
Cyrus Grissom: …onara!
— Jesse Borrego and John Malkovich Con Air 1997
(sorry, two quotes from Con Air…it was my most recently viewed movie)… (“onara”=”fart” in Japanese)

Carol Connelly: Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?
Melvin Udall: Yes I do, as a matter of fact. And to prove it, I have not gotten personal, and you have.
— Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson As good as it gets 1997

Mosh Pit Matt’s Favorite Movies

Mosh Pit Matt — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:04:38 +0000

Note, we will tally the votes and make a list of the Mosh Pit’s current Favorite 10 movies based on score. You will see there is some unsurprising overlap in our selections and chosing just 25 was hard and by necessity Thrasher included some classics from my list and I included some cult classics and newer films so people could have a chance to vote….

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Long Live great movies!

Thrasher’s favorite movies

Thrasher — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:07:46 +0000

MPM and I were discussing favorite movies, and we had a hard time limiting it to just 10. So, we thought you might be interesting in participating, too. So, just select your 10 favorite movies out of the following list of 25, and hit the Vote button.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

You might notice some obvious ones missing, but I decided to limit the list to only include one movie in any series, so only one each of the Star Wars, LOTR, Bond, etc. movies is on the list.

Pr0n has much to teach us

Thrasher — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:39:10 +0000

For those of you not into hentai, here’s a list for that plain vanilla crap you like to watch:

What I Learned From Porn – Watch more Funny Videos

Rules for online dating (part I)

Mosh Pit Matt — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:38:50 +0000

After more than 20 “full release” relationships as well as numerous failed attempts from online dating, I have the following thoughts about online dating and the women that occupy it:

All women love nature and like having fun. All women claim to love dogs but own cats instead…
No woman wants someone who plays games (though it’s often unclear if THEY are alowed to play them).
All Filipinas want someone who is afraid of God (God-fearing), which is insane if God is love as Catholic and Protestant churches profess.
If you find an international woman online it is a better than 80% chance she is from a second world (developing) nation: China, The Philippines, Romania, Russia, Vietnam, Thailand…
Most women from North America GROSSLY underestimate their spherocity:
1. “Curvy” does NOT = big tits because you are fat. “Cow tits” = big tits because you are fat. J. Lo is curvy, but you are just FAT.
2. “Athletic and toned” does NOT = butch or “fat but working on it.” Gwen Stefani is athletic and toned. You are not.
3. “About average” does NOT = 5’4″ 165lbs. Which average are you talking about? The average person who eats the Grand Slam breakfast at Denny’s every morning, the world average, or the HEALTHY average?
4. I don’t think I need to cover “a few extra pounds”. 100 is more than “a few”.
5. “Big and beautiful”… come on. It’s nice that you’re proud of your appearance, but if you are FAT it’s a ridiculous category. It should just be called “lard-ass”.
Women don’t understand that being fat does not mean being unattractive, so they LIE (play a game) in their profile. I have dated, been extremely horny for, and had incredible sex with fat women. They don’t want game players, but they play a game in their profile. Not cool, not fair, they deserve to be lubed up, anal fucked, and left crying. (Did I say that out loud?)
Any woman who wants someone with a six-digit income is a gold-digger.
Any woman who believes in astrology is certifiably insane and will defend her beliefs to the DEATH.
Any woman who posts more than one photo of a cat is either desperate or bitchy… so it’s a crap-shoot.
If a woman asks you if you will move to their country it means “Will you come here, find some unrealistic job, and support my family? When you inevitably fail to live up to my unreasonably high expectations, I will divorce you and ruin your life.”
If the picture is blurry, it usually means she’s ugly, fat, or so shy she won’t put out.
If the picture was taken at a weird angle, she’s fat.
If there is no picture, just don’t bother. She’s either a bitch who wants to control everything, or she’s so ugly she’s ashamed. It’s okay to be ugly, you could be fucking awesome in bed, I have had great experiences with ugly women who later seemed beautiful to me (K.F. where are you?), but hiding makes you seem lame.
If she won’t talk about sex in the fourth chat or third long mail, she’s going to be difficult FOREVER.
If she doesn’t send photos, she’s a hag. You can only move one space per turn.
If a woman has kids and doesn’t admit it… run.
If a woman has kids, admits it, and says “I’m looking for a good father”… run.
If a woman has kids, admits it, and says “I’m looking for a good husband”, make sure it’s not about the money. If so… run.
If a woman has been recently divorced… run.
If a woman has been recently widowed… RUN LIKE HELL.
If YOU have been recently divorced, find a tart… not a real relationship.
If all you do is go for tarts, don’t try a real woman.
Keep a second cell-phone.
Keep a dummy e-mail account for web sites and contacts. Then if things work out, give the real one. Any reasonable person would understand your caution. Most online services provide e-mail, but it sucks. So set up a dating account, and then give the other one, explaining you used the other to prevent spam caused by the site. Everyone who is worth it should understand.
If you have children, please stop saying “they are my world.” We understand and hope that your kids are important to you, but we’d at least like a shot at being the second most important thing in your life.
Use the “Best Feature” option with caution:
1. Best feature: Tits = Fat.
2. Best feature: Hair = Fat.
3. Best feature: Eyes = Fat, maybe cute.
4. Best feature: Brain = Fat AND bitchy.
And if you want to claim ass, waist, or anything else, you’d better have decent pictures of the area in question to back it up.
I’m all for freedom of religion and spirituality, but if you mention God more than five times in your profile, you’re out.

All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Hentai

Thrasher — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:41:02 +0000

Never swim alone.
Never trust your boss who wears sunglasses ALL the time.
The harder and rougher you rape a woman, the more likely she will fall in love with your cock.
Lubrication is a myth. Just shove it straight into her ass.
All demons and aliens have tentacles.
All tentacles are fully-functional penises.
If it’s an old man with a cane, he has a six-pack and huge pecs under his yukata.
Every woman aged 12 or over is at least a C-cup.
Women get wet just because you’re looking at them naked.
All of your teachers are possibly demons or aliens, especially ones involved in athletics.
Foreplay need not consist of anything more than squeezing a breast and rubbing her labia for 10 seconds.
All women over 12 can swallow the whole package.
Men can have sex again within 120 seconds of ejaculation.
The uglier the man, the bigger his cock.
All men cum so much that it squirts out the side of the mouth when fully inserted.
Any time a penis/tentacle is inserted into any female orifice, there is a spray of fluid.
Making a woman cum is more reliable mind control than actual brainwashing.
Most women’s eyes are bigger than both their brains and their areolae.
All animated Asian women have bigger tits and better asses than REAL Asian women, and very few have black hair.
If a girl has glasses, she is a virgin who will not be once the movie is over.
Any man who wields a sword has a huge cock that will be inserted into multiple holes.
No one ever gets pregnant unless the male wishes it to happen.
Any skinny man in a suit has an Arnold-like physique underneath his clothes or is a tentacle alien.
Said man will almost always have a cheesy hat to identify him as a bad guy.
Any man whose bangs hang down far enough to shield his eyes is either a rapist or alien/demon in disguise.
Tentacle tastes like cock.
The stronger and more independent the woman, the greater the slave to cock she is or will become.
Women never have periods.
“All participants are aged 21 or over”, even if it takes place in high school.
Most Japanese women are 18 when entering high school and most teachers are 25 and wear sunglasses or are actually female aliens with tentacles.
All women know how to give intense oral sex even though they are virgins.
At least once a day, someone has tentacle sex in a swimming pool, locker room, or high school classroom in Japan, but no one seems to notice.
Enemas are better than roses for saying “I love you”.
If there are robots, there will be lots of sex before they attack, during the attack, and after the attack.
Women would rather be repeatedly gang-raped than have a video of them peeing distributed in public.
Women’s vaginal muscles are so strong they can grip a vibrator even though it’s only stuck 2–3″ in.

How to Ruin Your Career as a Public Figure

Thrasher — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:05:43 +0000

Completely devote yourself to parapsychology.
Have the intern you were having an affair with suddenly disappear.
Get caught fapping in a movie theater or men’s public restroom.
Keep monkeys in your house and regularly have sleepovers with children you don’t know in the same bed.
Have sex with Paris Hilton.
Have videotaped sex with a member of any glam band.
Shoot a popular fellow artist in cold blood in public.
Gain thirty pounds, then perform in public wearing short-shorts.
Use a knife to attempt to remove your wife’s head and her male friend’s heart.
… then “run away” from the police at 15 miles per hour.
… then spend your time golfing while searching for the “real” killer.
… then write a book graphically describing why and how you did it, say it’s “fiction”, and call it If I Did It.
… then get convicted of armed robbery attempting to recover items auctioned off to support your wrongful-death settlement.
Videotape yourself peeing on a minor.
Have your same-sex lover run a homosexual prostitution ring out of your apartment.
Make fun of how retarded kids bowl on late night talk show.
Start a variety show where all you do is talk about being a lesbian and outing people as they come on.
Be female and scratch your crotch after butchering the National Anthem at a baseball game.
Tape-record yourself giving instructions to break in to the opposing political party’s headquarters, attempt to destroy those, but forget a few.
In a court of law, ask for the definition of the word “is”.
Hire a well-known African-American baseball player and then refer to him as your “million dollar nigger”.
After applying to be Federal Treasury Secretary, admit that you couldn’t figure out how to use TurboTax.
Find either Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones attractive enough to risk your marriage and political career.
Fall down the steps of Air Force One more than once when it’s your wife who’s the alcoholic.
Appear in rehab more frequently than in the studio with the band you sing for.
Be Gary Busey.
Be a short little man and bounce on top of Oprah’s couch talking about how you believe aliens are corrupting society.
Refer to a women’s basketball team as “nappy-haired-hoes”.
Be a fat conservative talk show host and get your maid to feed your oxycontin addiction.
Have been a child star, especially on Diff’rent Strokes.
Be a fat, transvestite pop star and beat up your male escorts.
Leave a promising career on NYPD Blue to star in a bunch of shitty movies, only to come back on a spin-off series as a William Shatner analog.
Allow your pasty-looking nipple-pierce to be exposed during the halftime show of the Super Bowl.
Be a Jackson.
Vomit on the prime minister of a major foreign ally.
Be Vice President and unable to spell the name of a common tuber.
Start an unnecessary war in the Middle East at the start of a recession.
Tear up a photo of the Pope on live TV.
Write a book on the evils of Islam.
Be found murdered in your hotel room with signs of BDSM.
Die during auto-erotic self-asphyxiation.
Be the lead singer of Judas Priest when your name isn’t Rob Halford.
Be replaced by Sammy Hagar.
Replace Sammy Hagar with the dude from Extreme.
Have Ted McGinley appear as your co-star.
Be the star of two or more Lifetime movies.
Threaten to out a famous comedienne until she outs herself for being with you, then turn “straight” and get married.
Appear in a correspondence course college commercial.
Appear in a “sponsor a child in Africa” commercial.
Appear in an ambulence-chasing lawyer’s commercial.
Appear in an infomercial, unless your name is Billy Mays.
Get beat up by a hooker.
Take a combination of painkillers and antidepressants while staying with one of the Olsen Twins.
Defend the Falklands.
Put an arrest warrant out for the Dalai Lama.
Threaten to run people down with tanks for protesting in the street.
Open fire on protesting college students.
Be Pol Pot.
Be Governer Dewey.
Dress in a homemade Catwoman costume, then confront the director and star on-set after you didn’t get the role.
Marry a cokehead, then give a completely incoherent TV interview where people are taking bets on whether you’re on pot or drunk.
Be a widely-known drug-using punk, marry a variable addict with severe bipolar disorder, write songs filled with hate, then give a very self-serving speech after said spouse removes cranium with a shotgun.
Prove being Superman’s girlfriend isn’t easy by cutting off all your hair, living with a homeless guy, and hiding from the CIA in strangers’ backyards.
Marry K-Fed.
Squeal like a schoolgirl during your Presidential campaign.
Be Connie Chung.
Be anyone but Jerry Springer but do what he did.
Be one of Jesus’s best friends and then totally sell him out for less than a month’s salary.
Make your horse a senator.

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