Wave your penis in the air until it is covered in bees.
by Mosh Pit Matt on January 17, 2010
in Randomness, Tasteless, Video
I guess this is why my penis is always swollen…
Employee Branding
by Mosh Pit Matt on November 17, 2009
in Current Depravity, EngRish, Essays, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless
An Unnamed HR professional with whom regular visitors to this site may be familiar recently called me for help with finding a good slogan to promote her boss and the employees of her company. Some of the following is factual, some is … for entertainment. All of which is utter nonsense…
First:
What the hell is employee branding? This is the image that it conjures for me:
Apparently, this is not the definition. It is some ridiculous HR/Marketing term developed to promote employee confidence, consumer confidence, employee welfare, and corporate image.
Next: She wanted me to help with a slogan. Her idea was (pardon the Engrish): “How to Cosmetic <Boss Name>”
To which I replied “that is utterly meaningless.”
And I further replied: I think a good slogan for your boss should be:
“Enormous Penis!”
I felt I had found a great slogan:
To which she replied:
Because apparently her boss looks more like this:
Than this:
To which I replied:
“Cozy Vagina ?”
To which she replied:
To which I replied:
“Employees, the other other other white meat.”
To which she replied:
To which I replied:
“Look lady, I’m a damned archaeologist, why are you asking ME?”
To which she replied: *click*
She has not spoken to me in weeks…. *weep*
But the moral of the story is: If someone calls you wanting something you can’t give, just say:
Enormous Penis
and it should take care of the situation.
-MPM
Dammit, why does Japan get all the good game shows?
While I don’t speak the lingo, I believe the gist is: Get some bikini-clad hotties and have them extract a marble from phallic-shaped pieces of ice in whatever manner they see fit.
Eat this Post-Modernist hags….
by Mosh Pit Matt on October 14, 2009
in Current Depravity, Essays, Pictures, Randomness, Tasteless, Visual Arts
If Feminism is a modern concept… and post-modernism is “in” and the “correct” way of thinking…
Then logically I should come to the same following conclusion if I want to keep up with the times…

(from Zach over at Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)
MPM’s note:
I do believe in equality for women and men, my mother is one of the most assertive successful women I know, but she is ladylike, feminine and a great mom to my brother and I and fantastic loving and affectionate wife to my dad… you CAN be both a powerful woman and a great mom and spouse, but its not GIVEN, you have to EARN it… Men can be both too, and have to earn it too… but I guess knowing how stupid people are about this stuff is exactly why I thought this comic was particularly funny… people need to get over themselves and stop trying to be cool and just get shit done…
I also fully understand the post-modern critique, but its not adequate in and of itself for all applications, particularly in understanding human behavior… sorry you cultural studies, PoMo cultural anthropologists, Sociologists, and Psychologists…
I recently had a counseling psychologist say “you really need to learn more about cultural differences” to me… ME…
Those of you who know me… know EXACTLY what kind of shit-storm that unleashed upon that “counselor” with her U. Cal degree.
“Um… you stick to the head-shrinking, I’ll stick to the culture stuff, o.k.?” Was about the nicest thing I said to her. I should have said “you really need to learn more about how people formulate thoughts and emotions…”
PoMo and “I know culture” people who have no idea what the Standard Cross Cultural Sample is or who George Peter Murdock was have no business even talking to me. I will eat them for breakfast. I appreciate understanding the bias a scholar brings to their study and working to eliminate or mediate its effects… but… the tripe that comes out now… YIKES!!
This is why I consider myself a “neo-modernist” (or “neo-processualist for you “dirt monkeys” who read this blog…)
Who doesn’t like anime?
Seriously, what’s there not to like?
(oYo) *oink* (oYo)








